The Taste of Ink is Getting Old

Some things are ment only for the people who were there, just for us. That’s fine, I’m really alright with that.

One of the cooks and I closed the restaurant alone last night, and I was putting the chairs up by the window and this girl walked by who looked so much like Vic that I stopped in my tracks for a second. Victoria and I worked at the movie theater in Petaluma togther, and only really sterted to get to know eachother towards the end there, a few months before I moved. She was neat. And I got to thinkin about all of them. Most of the people who I worked with at the theater, we all moved on and are doing our own thing. And there are always two things that we’ll always have in commin, the theater and Owen. When I’m in New York and Steph is workin with kids and Claire is off doing her thing andLiz in Arizona and all of us are in all these different places, there will always be that time in our lives that we had togther to look at in retrospect.  But I guess thats how it works with everyone you meet. There will always be that one party, show, phase of your life, that you all had togther.

I dunno. I’m taking really intense summer classes and working and I haven’t gotten to sleep much lately. I’m not sure how well I’m comming across anymore.

You’re moments ago, but seconds away.

Tennessee was lovely. Well, more amazing then I was anticipating. There was a lot of history there, we (the fam) went to some house that was some well off familys house that was used as a hospital for the confederates during the civil war (Battle of Franklin, to be exact). [That sentence was worded weird, sorry] The blood stains were still on the floor. It made it all very real. There was also a large cemetery there where the bodies of the soldiers were buried. It was really cool, in a weird way. Made it even more real. More real than any of my textbooks in High School or College made it.

There was a lot of merriment and drinking and getting to know my fathers side of the family. They’re wonderful and funny. The wedding was, haha well, the wedding was beautiful, and boring. But it was good to see everyone so happy, and the after party was fun. I really enjoyed the whole experience.

Oh, and there was a retired Elvis impersonator. His name is Tony. And he is awesome.

And well, I will forever love Washington DC. I wouldn’t know how to start. The history! The Monuments! The Majesty! hahaha

If I am the sum of all my friends, then all my friends are the sum of me

“Cailie Skelton thinks its wasteful to pour out booze for dead friends. This next drink is for my fallen homies.” ~Me on facebook.

I’m watching the sun rise from a roof in the avenues on the other side of sleep. I’m pretty sure I can see the ocean from here (almost, it’s still alittle dark) and i can hear the early morning moan of the N on the street. The end of the line. The west end of the United States. It’s 5:45 in the morning.

By all accounts it was an epic evening of drunken folly. and when things got alittle dicey, other friends offered gifts of other options. I wish I had the words.

[EDIT: I kept loseing intrest in finishing whats in my composition book or getting distracted. It's okay. It can live just there for awhile. The rest of this was written 6/15/2009]

I sort of wanted to pull a no call/no show on my recreational life the night of Owens birthday, but that wouldnt have benefitted anyone. I’m glad I went out, Im glad I was given another oppertunity to enjoy the company of friends, new and less new and be always reminded how amazing they all are.

I think about you all the time.

What a fucking crazy two years, just….ugh. I dunno. I just, its a thing I have no realy control over, and yet it hurts and I cant change it and he still isnt here. The BFG isnt here. I’m going to be thinking about him a lot on this trip.

Im leaving for Tennessee in a few days because my cousin is getting married. A wedding. Six memorial/funeral services in the past four years and not one wedding in the past 23 years.  Shitty.

Other then that, things have been really good lately. (Well, Ive realized my luck about having shitty jobs, ya know? But thats just how Cailie Luck works sometimes.) I finished finals and since have just been having a lot of fun with my friends. We’ve been going places in the city that Ive never been to before or doing things we dont get to do often. I’ve also met a lot of new really cool people on these escapades. It’s been fun.

Im taking Physics this semester, and honestly, Im not that intimidated. Im going into it optimistically. I’ll do my best and be fine. I also decided that Im really going to work on my writing project and illistrating it. I’ve been arting, reading and writing a lot lately, and it feels great to be doing all of that. Espically when I dont have to feel guilty about it because of school work looming over my head.

I’ve been bike riding a lot and working out and that feels great. and I’ve been sleeping! Huzzah!

Im putting this here for a few days because it is an easier link to give to the people I want to see it.
Hope everyone out there is doing well!

Hometown Glory.

It doesn’t feel like its almost two years ago. The thought crossed my mind last night. It feels like forever ago. It feels like yesterday. It still doesn’t sit.I shouldn’t have started this thought tangent, I dont know where to go with it, how to finish.
I’ve been thinking about my East Bay Friends a lot, read those old entries I wrote when my friend died on old journals and this one, about my life there, in Oakland. I went to hang out with some friends on friday in Oakland and there were some old ghosts that were put to rest. I felt uneasy going there, and felt awesome after I left.
I felt because the cycle was doomed to repeat itself always. I couldn’t see any other way out of it at the time, and when the oppertunity arouse to leave I took it. I wasnt the person I wanted to be and it wasnt looking like I was ever going to change.
But last wednesday, when I was just having bad week after bad week and was really unhappy I wanted to leave, I wanted to just end up in Boston already. Start over with the friends I love over there. But really, is that just how I handle stuff? Do I just leave when things are rough, only to find myself in a not great situation? Is that the kind of person I am? Cause thats kind of ugly, I feel like I need to reevaluate this and me and fight it out untill Im at least done with school.

When we both get carried away

I’ve been really stressed lately and I dont think Im going to do well this semester. ugh. Thats really all I’ve been doing lately, going to school and getting jerked around by my shitty job. Clinging on to the few things that make sence anymore.
I went to Sacramento with my Girl Scout troop and it was alright. I worry about how WINGS is going to turn out, I can’t handle the idea of the buddy system and never getting an oppertunity to be alone for at least alittle bit in two weeks. I also dont really know the people Im going with, and Im to socially handicapped to deal with getting to know them, espically since I’ll never see most of them again after the trip is up. I’m in a predicament.
I went to a few bars with a few friends last night, we wound up where we always do, that spot in Dolores Park where you can see the whole city, except last night we couldnt because is was foggy and misting. So it was basically just us and our 40s and being fracking cold, but it was fun. The most fun I’ve had in awhile.

Turn it up I don’t ever wanna go home.

By the time I showed up to the first bar my friends were already three rounds deep, the first sign that the evening was doomed to be a very blurry one. and it was. It was also a chill night with good friends, most of whom I haven’t seen in awhile, which was kind of the point.

And now its the next day, and my parents are coming into town and I’m exhausted.

Happy Birthday to me.

Just leave us to our own devices.

Im not putting this in paragraphs. sorry. sort of.

 

I went to Sacramento for a student journalism conference and it was a lot of fun, just talking to other student journalists, and just journalists and participating in competitions and workshops and getting to know the people who work on the newspaper i write for. Hanging out with new and newer friends and writing articles during hella long days and later nights. I didnt want to come home. I was kind of bummed comming home from work tonight, but then I was thinking about this summer, and started thinking about the time Stephanie and I threw Owen a birthday party (two weeks after he was found) and how we tried to make him a cake and did…kinda….we didnt put enough greese in the pan and so it came out of the rectangular pan in pieces, so we kind of just pushed the peices togther and put frosting over it. It was ace and I have a feeling that he would have loved it. and that would have been such a fun party. We even had streamers, black and orange ones, and black and orange paper plates and cups and black and orange balloons and most of us got all well dressed because one time Owen said something about how he missed how people used to get dressed up and shins. But I remember applying the frosting to this amazing cake and Steph and I laughing so hard, and how it felt so good because nither of us had in weeks. And I laughed about it tonight on the rest of my walk home. I remember that cake everytime I bake anything now.

So that’s all the cool stuff I’ve been up to and I’m really tired right now, but I got to get some homework done, because friday is my 23rd birthday and quite frankly, I don’t want to do anything school related except go to my journalism class.

Waking Just to make it through.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy and stressful and was kind of punctuated by today, except it isnt over yet. Not for at least another week. I have a huge essay due wednesday and article for the newspaper comming up that my grade in the class is kind of riding on and midterms were all this week. After that though, I feel like I maybe can take a breather for a day or two. We will see.

Im going to get a head start of this next weeks homework. It needs to be done before the journalism convention starting on Thursday.