We’re Strictly Ballroom

This weekend was full of old familiar faces, current familiar faces, and people who I met first this weekend. All of whom are awesome.

We spent most of the time hiding out and drinking in peoples houses, at Spookys party we didnt have much of a choice (being in Penngrove and all) and at the other party, there were way to many illegal substances. Saturday night did involve us getting lost in the Tenderloin, which is sobering for any gal in that area, but all in all this weekend was very good.

I just got home from the most Flawless night ever. I don’t care that my roommates are probably hella pissed at me right now because its probably for something hella stupid and trivial.

I’d sleep but Im far to psyched up.

Im facing something terriable soon, a mistake I made that Ive regretted for two and a half years. It was a party I honestly wish never happened. It was a guy I wish I had never got drunk around, and hes going to be at Kenans party comming up. Would I have honestly agreed to go had I known? Probably. A part of me thinks it will be good to face him and see him again and maybe, without killing the buzz square everything away.

Im going to be a trainwreck come saturday, but I’ll get to see my best friend and Aaron, who are two people who are always good at getting me emotionally squared away. Most of the time with just being them.

It will definately be a weekend to remember, I hope it turns out for the better.

Tonight was one of those nights that you’d expect in the stark middle of summer, where you can roam the streets of your city in shorts and a t-shirt and not think twice about it. Because it is so rare for San Francisco, I did so with a friend of mine tonight.

A person he was close to died recently and he’s shattered over it, we bonded, over his lost friend, and mine and drank rum on his porch in his sleepy street in its nice neighborhood. I’ve finally brought myself to a place where I can laugh at my fond memories of Owen. I can even smile about the other times I remember. Our relationship didn’t call for many bad run ins with eachother. And none the less there are still days, like today, when my missing him becomes physically painful.

My friend and I talked about drinking, and doing so untill the hurt went away. Its no way to deal, but its been working for us the past few weeks.

It really got me thinking, like I know no one is perfect, and we all have these flaws that come with being human, but Ive done so many shitty things, and Ive really hurt people that I love and have cared for, and yet some people, I just. I just don’t fucking know.

I do know things have been in perspective lately, and things have gotta change, I’ve come so far, I cant stop now.

When I got home tonight I went to Owens mothers myspace page to see the new pictures that were posted. There was one of Owen looking into a mirror and I had my head in my hands not knowing wether to laugh or cry untill I felt my roommate hovering. Conversations went as followed;

J:Who’s that?

C: Owen

J: haha, no wonder you were friends.