I’m caught up in finals and the end of the semester crunch and not having the internet at home, that I’ve been kind of scatter brained, but alas! I’m almost done!
Recently I’ve been hit with carity. And finally feel like I’ve found that direction Ive been trying to mold for quite some time now.
When I came home from the warped tour for good, I felt like it was all over, I was just left with feelings of loss that I didnt face before I left and a new semester at a new school in a new(ish) city. I now feel like Ive reached the next phase of my life. The phase I hear ‘adults’ talk about so much, when you blink and a year has passed. Because I dont know where the hell these past 12 months went. And if my exsistance were a short paragraph, I feel like those months have all been in parenthesis. Ive been cutting to the point, pulling everything togther, buiding a foundation and setting new goals. I’ve done and expierenced so much and yet i feel as though i have very little to show for it. Sometimes it takes awhile, i suppose.
Its sort of a drag, I guess, seeing as how much Im enjoying this stage my life is in. Ive seen that everyone eventually ends up in the same place, but none of us know when we will end up there. So maybe it isnt about getting there, but about where you are now, and how you feel about being there. A year ago I felt like a fuckup and lost, and totally unprepared for the impending heartbreak, and then the triumphs of being on tour. I now realize that with every defeat there are a million little victories, and with every victory, there may be a bunch of little defeats.
Nothing is ever one thing.
And I dont know why it took me so long. But Ive realized that everyone is so influenced by everything around them that they may not have any real clue of why they do what they do. We spend so much time trying to be different but we are so concerend that something we are feeling or doing is abnormal. We hardly know ourselves.
All of this makes me feel pretty good about being anywhere and doing anything as long as it feels right for me. I needed to hang out in the parenthesis alittle bit, and maybe Im almost out of the woods, but you never know.
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