I think Im giving me the creeps

I have a hunch, that if the music I’ve been writing lately, was audible to the public, we would all have a better idea about how Im feeling right now, and what is going on in my head.

but alas, I cannot write to y’all in musicall notes. Not from this blog anyway.

Today was a day I had off, and I did lots of things that I have been meaning to do lately, so it was productive, however the end of the day was full of fuckups. I think I need to work on getting my shit more togther and handle life accordingly.

My brother turns 26 on tuesday, maybe 27, or 25, Im not exactly sure, but it is one of those three and I dont have the nerve to call him because I dont have anything else to say to him even though I havent talked to him since the end of march, and I dont know what to talk to him about.

Where did you go once our lives went black?

Fuck.

Is it July already? Do I really have a job that makes me this terriable(except Im leaving it soon I can feel it)? No. Well, yes. Wait. ok.

I saw the sun rise on the beach yesterday morning, on the wrong side of sleep, obviously, still fucked up, obviously.  I had my guitar in my hand and Lupe and Aaron and Ricky where sitting around me, guitars on their laps.  People were jogging by us fresh from sleep, and we were still talking, still playing songs.  I had shown up twelve hours earlier, asked for a drink, went right in the water, and with the waves crashing over me, I tried but couldn’t remember the last time I had swam in the ocean.  I just let it kick my ass. It felt nice. I kept standing up to let it knock me down, plant my face in the sand and pull me back out again.  I couldn’t help it.  That is just life, standing up to one wave after another, knowing that you may have the wind knocked out of you, may be all scraped up and choking on salt water, and that once it has passed, you’ll just be looking up at the next one rolling in.  Things always come and then they go.  There’s no changing that, and I’d rather get the shit kicked out of me than miss out on something.  Regret is always useless, but it is especially useless when you didn’t at least give something a try. There’s always some good to get out of anything:  Shit makes flowers grow.

I made a blog for more “hey here is what Im writing to maybe publish and have a book to hold on to” because the way Im organizeing it now is all wrong. and Im keeping this one for more of “This is how I see life and how Im feeling about it and guess what happened to me today!?!” I’ll post the link when Im going on more amounts of sleep and the new blog has legs to stand on. I will also link this one to that one so, you know.

I took two pills about an hour ago (theyre perscribed to be taken that way) and its sleep medication and could tranqulize a horse (except not really). So Im alittle out of it and have to be up in 7 hours.

and I hate my job and blah blah blah.